Why being uncomfortable is important…
Earlier I told you about the time in my life when everything changed. It was hard to navigate this, and I made a lot of mistakes along the way, like most people. We all learn through trial and error, and I am a big believer in figuring things out as I go along, rather than expecting to know everything I should be doing right now! Being less hard on myself is a new thing for me and something I am working on every day.
This blog is a great example as this felt really out of my comfort zone. I’ve been thinking about doing something like this for a few years but never fully committed. I suppose this is because, like many people, I doubt myself a lot. I think about whether I am good enough to talk to others about what I do and the idea of sharing ‘expertise’ feels incredibly uncomfortable. As an introvert, I spend most of my time trying not to draw attention to myself, so this is a strange and unfamiliar direction for me!
However, I also know that feeling uncomfortable is part of the deal with anything in life. As a therapist and coach, this is exactly what I tell my clients. Being uncomfortable is a vital part of self-development. Change is often a challenging process. After all, if everything was fine, why would anyone change anything?
There are several key psychological theories about managing change, but an important aspect of all of this, and particularly around reducing worry, is the ability to tolerating discomfort. This is something positive psychology explores with regard to how we achieve wellbeing. Research suggests that one of the components of wellbeing is being able to cope when things go wrong, to weather the storm. Robert Biswas-Deiner & Todd Kashdan wrote about the importance of this for good mental health. In their 2014 book ‘The Upside of out Darkside’ they explore how acknowledging and accepting our negative traits and emotions as well as our positive ones can help us to build resilience and lean into strengths. They say that rather than see these feelings as a sign that we are failing, they are merely an acknowledgment of our humanity. Biswas-Deiner discusses and example of how helpful it can be to acknowledge and tolerate discomfort in the video I have shared here. This is a humorous but highly insightful take on the subject that I urge you to watch. I often send the link to my clients who really enjoy it and say that it resonates with them. Let me know what you think in the comments.
The upside of your dark side with Dr Robert Biswas-Diener at Happiness & Its Causes 2015 - YouTube
Kashdan, T., & Biswas-Diener, R. (2014). The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self -Not Just Your "Good" Self -Drives Success and Fulfillment. New York, Hudson Street Press. 304 pp., $25.95 hardcover + $12.99 epub, ISBN: 9781594631733.
